Good 'un. In my family, my mother was what (I think?) they call a "covert narcissist", but I've seen definitions of that term that make me unsure. All I know (now, way old as I am) is that she did not like me. I don't know when she started disliking me, but I can remember some things back to younger than 2 years, & I can remember a LOT at 3 years up. But, she was considered so sweet & caring by the "outside world" (outside our house), yet all those who thought she was so wonderful were badmouthed by her, to her kids, sooner or later. She was good at getting people to love her even when she really did not like them at all. But for me, 2nd of 5 children, she gave me so many mixed signals that at some point I stopped trying to figure them out & just wanted her approval. She was very verbally and physically abusive to me. She could be that way to all 5 of her kids at times, but she never beat any of them the way she did me (almost daily) and I don't remember her telling any of my siblings that she hated them. She did tell me that often. I guess I was set up extra early to attract narcissistic abusers, but the more I learn, the less easy it is to be love bombed or any other "tools" narcissists (& I mean "regular" ones to those with full-blown NPD) use to fool me. Much damage was done over the decades, but now I make it a point to seek out those who aren't abusive. Women who would tell me that I was their "best friend" were abundant in my younger adult years, & although I was deluded at the time, I now can see how not one of them were ever my friend. Each time it took somebody going just too far before I would cut the relationship, & it really hurt. Anyway... good article.
cryminy, thank you for trusting me with this. What you had to endure from your mother is devastating. The fact that you survived and have come to see the abusive patterns for what they are is a testimony to your incredible strength, resilience and wisdom paid for in blood. No one should ever have to go through what you've been through. I'm honored that what I wrote validated your experience. You deserved so much better than what you have received.
Good 'un. In my family, my mother was what (I think?) they call a "covert narcissist", but I've seen definitions of that term that make me unsure. All I know (now, way old as I am) is that she did not like me. I don't know when she started disliking me, but I can remember some things back to younger than 2 years, & I can remember a LOT at 3 years up. But, she was considered so sweet & caring by the "outside world" (outside our house), yet all those who thought she was so wonderful were badmouthed by her, to her kids, sooner or later. She was good at getting people to love her even when she really did not like them at all. But for me, 2nd of 5 children, she gave me so many mixed signals that at some point I stopped trying to figure them out & just wanted her approval. She was very verbally and physically abusive to me. She could be that way to all 5 of her kids at times, but she never beat any of them the way she did me (almost daily) and I don't remember her telling any of my siblings that she hated them. She did tell me that often. I guess I was set up extra early to attract narcissistic abusers, but the more I learn, the less easy it is to be love bombed or any other "tools" narcissists (& I mean "regular" ones to those with full-blown NPD) use to fool me. Much damage was done over the decades, but now I make it a point to seek out those who aren't abusive. Women who would tell me that I was their "best friend" were abundant in my younger adult years, & although I was deluded at the time, I now can see how not one of them were ever my friend. Each time it took somebody going just too far before I would cut the relationship, & it really hurt. Anyway... good article.
cryminy, thank you for trusting me with this. What you had to endure from your mother is devastating. The fact that you survived and have come to see the abusive patterns for what they are is a testimony to your incredible strength, resilience and wisdom paid for in blood. No one should ever have to go through what you've been through. I'm honored that what I wrote validated your experience. You deserved so much better than what you have received.